strange dreams~

When I was a kid, I would have nightmares every night. For awhile, I could only remember having bad dreams then I went to high school and couldn't remember my dreams at all. As of late, the nightmares have come back, but they're nothing like the dreams I had when I was a kid. Those dreams were about monsters living under my bed (or in my closet) basically things that could never ever come true. These dreams usually involve rape, domestic abuse, or death, and I can't shake them at all. Just the other night I had a dream that I was pregnant, and married yet being beaten up by my husband - I can't remember the man's face in my dream. I just remember him breaking my nose, and stepping on my fingers.  My Mom seems to think i'm falling back into depression, I tell her i'm not but really I don't know. I don't even know why i'm writing this really, just seemed like the only way I could get it off of my mind other than writing a short story about it - which i'd rather not do thanks to snooping siblings.

Aloha~

So I live in Hawaii now, yeah I know random as fuck but it's a nice change or whatever blah blah blah.  As of right now my family and I are living out of our suitcases in a decent hotel provided by the military but on Friday we get to move into our house! It's awesome because we were supposed to wait at least six months for housing but we've only been here for a week and we got a house. I'M SO EXCITED :)

Anyway, I need a job son. On the real. But first things first, I have to get back in school. I was way off track at my old school, moving here lit a fire under my ass to be quite honest. On another note i'm addicted to poke ahi (tuna marinated in sea salt, soy sauce, green onions and lots of other great stuff) they sell it in the commissary here on base and like every restaurant around here. I have this thing for raw fish anyway (I used to eat raw salmon from the Fresh Market all of the time in Cola) but it really is great ;3

I'm jet-lagged like hayle. It's 8:25PM here, but my body is still set in EST. I shut down around this time 'cause i'm so used to going to bed at like 2:00AM eastern time. Then I wake up at like 6AM. The internet in this place sucks as well, I can't get my PS3 to connect to the media server (first world problems) so every night I watch Crows Zero (not complaining I love that movie) which resorts in sweet dreams about Shun Oguri.  My hair looks like shit, my skin has broken out for the first time in years, and i'm retaining water weight like crazy so my face is swollen but I think I might be happy - so i'm not complaining.

Here's a random 8tracks mix of some songs i've been enjoying lately. Some new some old - enjoy <3 

"Is any of this for real...or not?"

After one whole year and some bronze change I am currently boyfriend-less. Facebook says otherwise but that's only because neither one of wants anyone to blow up our respective inbox's pretending to care why we split.  Technically it's not a split, it's a 'break' one that I initially suggested but quickly reneged on until he let me know that he felt like I needed the break because my feelings don't match his. Apart of me wanted to tell him that I love him and I don't want to take a break, but an even bigger part of me told me not to jump the gun and take this as a win/lose situation.  The win? I'm a free bitch baby, the lose? I no longer have an awesome boyfriend.  While i'm not mopey or depressed about this break I won't act like i'm not going to miss him because I am! He made me laugh, he understood me, and he was adorable BUT he was the first committed sexual relationship I have ever experienced and I should probably sow my oats while i'm young. If we're meant to be together....we'll be together. Cliche' but true, don't judge.  

On to happier things, I've decided on a tattoo! Finally, right? I've been contemplating a ton of ideas since last year but I decided on this:

The Organization XIII symbol from Kingdom Hearts 2! For those not familiar with the perfection that is Kingdom Hearts, kill yourself but you can read all about Organization XIII here.  But too make a long story short Organization XIII are a group of thirteen (gasp!) powerful Nobodies who seek to reclaim their hearts to become whole or Somebodies again.  It's all very deep, and intricate.  

Of course i'll get it shaded in but i'm having trouble deciding on where to put it.  Back of the arm, side of the arm, or forearm? It'll be a spur of the moment decision I suppose.  

KH spam! Probably the most beautiful video game ever. It's also my favorite video game ever aside from Final Fantasy VII <3  

Jolly Good Show

Today was an awesome day! Here's why: 

• The guy who I e-mailed about designing my tattoo finally got back to me with a definite "yes".
• I have the money to finally pay off my apartment fee which i'll be doing tomorrow.
• My interview at Best Buy went amazing. 
• I worked a short shift at work (which is always cool).
• Watched a pretty good Gay & Lesbian drama called "Shank".  
• My dog is a warm fat lump and he's asleep in my bed.
• I'm off work for the next three days. 

Yay-yuhhh. I didn't even have to use my AK. Today was a good day....

Stuck

Currently i'm stuck in my boyfriend's apartment while he's at work making money to put food on our table. Not really though, we're not living together but he is bringing home Chinese food so I guess it's the same thing? Anyway just to outline some things I've noticed today and things that have happened

• I came across my boyfriend's old blog. I'm totally jealous of the way the talks about his ex-gf. I have no reason to be, but hey i'm a chick. Feelings = caught. But he'll never know this 'cause i'll never tell him because it's insignificant. Still, he made mention of some "love tokens" this girl gave him a couple of Christmases ago. The fuck is up with that?
• I got a call from Best Buy to come in for an interview on Monday. Hurrah! I needed a second job, it was actually on my "2011 to-do list" over at Listography.com. So kudos to me.
• Tickets for Korean Music Fest go on sale tomorrow. I'm totally stoked, and will totally be buying after I get everything outlined with my Oppa.
• Birth control appointment tomorrow. Blegh - totally forgot about that.
• I'm starving and I want whatever Chinese food my boyfriend is bringing home.
• I'm an awkward turtle today. I won't come out of my boyfriend's room because I don't want my boyfriend's roommates to see me.
• I need a sewing machine and Project Runway is the shit. 

Tattoos part one

In a couple of weeks i'll have ink in the form of art permanently engraved somewhere on my sacred body. My Mother who is the owner of seven lovely tattoos has been urging me to go with my gut and get one since my eighteenth birthday (I opted for a nose piercing instead). Almost three years later  i'm still a blank canvas but only because i'm indecisive. Mostly I was afraid about the placement of the tattoo. I would often ask myself questions such as "if I get it on my arm or wrist will I be able to find a good job?"

Now i'm kinda like fuck it - we're all dead in 2012 anyway.  I might as well sow my oats will i'm young, right? 

Tekkon Kinkreet

Based on the popular manga by Taiyo Matsumoto, Black and White

I was knee deep in the discount bin of my local GameStop when I first came into contact with Tekkon Kinkreet. I glanced at the cover and immediately fell in love with the artwork (reminded me of Paranoia Agent) then read the synopsis and decided against spinning my money on a used copy of Final Fantasy X-2 and bought the movie. For two weeks  it sat on my bookshelf with other unwatched dvd's. Christmas Eve came, I didn't have anything to do so I decided to watch it.